Meanwhile, Back at the Five-Star Resort...

Dealer Guy's Saturday, while not one of the most exciting or hilarious or ridiculous shifts ever, did have it's share of high points... and low.

Bear in mind, kids... He works at one of the five or so resorts (will I name it specifically...? Are you kidding?? HA!) considered to be the creme de la creme of Las Vegas. Customers have high expectations... even as they're acting like fools, snobs or rude jerks. Oh yes, there are the decent types that come to play, too, but are they as entertaining? Not usually. It's the fools, snobs and rude jerks you'll mostly hear about on this blog.

Craps... a simply divine word for a game of chance... CRAPS. Yesterday, the table was full of 22-year-old fools with limited skills nor luck, and with even further limited vocabularies or imagination. "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" "SHOW ME THE MONEY!" "SHOW ME THE MONEY!!!!" They screamed all day... And Dealer Guy came home half deaf in one ear. I asked if he did, indeed, show them the money. "Oh, hell no" was the cheerful response. (Dealer Guy gets a jolly or two when the fools lose. Can't really blame his deaf self.)

Celebrities - A bastion of honest, caring and lovely adult people, right? Well, yeah, I know... Not exactly, is it? And these people LOVE Las Vegas. They come to play, they come to win - they hope - and they come to... cheat or at least ATTEMPT to cheat. That's part of the thrill of gambling - to see just what they can get away with. (The old days of cheaters' arms being broken over a curb behind Binion's downtown are pretty much over now.) The five-star resort guys had a celebrity at the Craps table last night. He was betting around $200 a shot and pressing it up as the dice continued to roll. The gentleman was also trying his best to cheat; however, the five-star guys are on top of the game - especially against a fool. Don't be trying to move your chips to a more favorable spot on the layout when there are four sets of eyes watching you. The celebrity-level fool lost yesterday, too.

Eventually, the CRAPS table emptied of players, leaving the five-star resort guys to their own crappy devices. Yes, kids... These grown men, some of the best in their profession... play fart tricks on each other. (Do I push my embarrassment aside and go on? Yeah, I do. Dealer Guy shared this brief tale with me over lunch yesterday, so I'm not going to shy away from sharing it with you) . Dealer Guy and his buddies - men who will be boys - are pros at this game, too... childish and gross as it is.

Dealer Guy "owed one" to the buddy who shall be known as "Jimmy." Good ol' Jimmy was on a 20-minute break that began just as Dealer Guy realized he had a "really BAD one" ready to cut loose. So, what's a guy to do? Save it. Keep it "on the edge" and ready to rip at the moment Jimmy returns to the CRAPS table. While we're waiting, I'll let you know that the last time Jimmy received pay-back, Dealer Guy nailed him with a nasty one while walking up the stairs... right in front of his "friend's" face. Nice. Funny though, Dealer Guy has a tendency to not tell me about the moments when he, himself, is the victim. No bragging rights in that, I guess.

So, the twenty minutes passed and Jimmy returned to the crew. Dealer Guy proudly announces, "Hey Jimmy, I've got one for ya!" And the fart heard 'round the resort ripped forth from the black dress slacks, followed by groans of happy disgust emitting from all present. The guys love this stuff. They'd award trophies if they could. I ask Dealer Guy, "What if a customer had walked up just then." His well-thought-out response... "So?"

Remember the fart games, kids, the next time you step into one of Las Vegas' multi-billion dollar luxury resorts. Some of the 'finer' details aren't much different than Circus Circus.